It's because I wrote that last, lovingly optimistic post... I swear.

Yesterday?

Today?

Crying before his nighty-night drive.
Diaper-changing kick-fest
Helpful? Well, sure--so long as it's something he was doing in the first place...

There is a word for all of this:

Toddler

Letting him be

I know I haven't talked too much about my personal parenting philosophies on this blog, which is sort-of surprising since most of you who know me (even a little) are aware of my, um, enthusiastic nature with regards to opinions. But every once in awhile, when you think you actually got something right--and I mean really right--you just have to say so.

The philosophy I'm referring too: letting your kids be

This sounds pretty simple but it's not. We live in a cultural environment that is significantly slanted towards adult-centered comfort. If you've ever been in any kind of public transportation with a crying baby or toddler then you know precisely what I'm talking about. If the first thing that enters your mind is "I hope someone makes that kid shut up" then I hope you're still in adolescence because that is the last stage of a persons life where I believe it's still acceptable to be concerned so in depth with matters of the self. If you think "That poor kid. I hope someone finds a way to comfort him." and even additionally: "...but I sure wish that kid would shut up." Then congratulations, you're all grown up!

So many times I see parents and talk to mothers who become very agitated with their children because they're trying to placate a roomful of annoyed adults. I am always deeply disturbed by this. My philosophy? Worry about the kid--the adults should be able to [act like they] can handle a little ripple in their daily serenity. Now I'm not saying that it's fun to be in a restaurant with screaming babies/toddlers/children. My point is that if the parent was focused on the kids' need, then it's very likely they would not be in the restaurant in the first place.

Yes, I live in a fairy tell land. Yes, it's working quite well for me, thank you. But it sure was one hell of an adjustment, and it took about a year and a half of daily practice to really feel at ease in my theory.

It might not seem like it but I really am getting somewhere with this. I want to tell the world that it's OK to advocate for your children, because adults will usually advocate for themselves if given the chance.

I also want to speak out against punishment for young children. There is no magic number of what age it is best to start introducing consequences for misdeeds--babies and kids develop emotionally and physically at enormously different rates. It is so hard to judge the reasons that a person commits any act--especially if they're still not talking. I often think about how many times I've been wrong about why a friend/mate/sibling/co-worker committed a particularly annoying or hurtful violation of my feelings, and how much better the situation was after a nice emotionally-contained discussion about it. Kids deserve our better selves, and with Uly I do my very best to avoid sentencing him to punishment if I do not absolutely understand his motives for the infraction, which is almost never. And Uly is SUCH good kid. Or, maybe I just don't have any problem with most of the stuff he does because I believe that if it's unlikely to result in death and/or maiming (or replacement at considerable expense), then no harm, no foul. Messes can be cleaned up.

Had enough of that yet? OK already!

Updates this week: Uly is helping with EVERYTHING.

I can now put on make-up and I'm SO GLAD! Uly hands me each item to be applied, every morning. I'll take some pictures of this soon because he doesn't always hand me colors that I would normally choose for myself...

He likes to help take out the garbage (boy do I hope this one lasts haha)

Dinner by Uly! This week uly has helped me by adding food to, and pushing the "on" button on my food processor, and then by helping spoon foods into baking dishes. I'm having a lot of fun with this. I think he needs his own little chef hat and apron.

Follwing directions: "go get mommy" and "hand mommy" and "help mommy" are gleefully accepted orders. Again, I hope this one lasts for awhile too... heh

Cooperation: Diaper changing has never been easier. Putting his shoes and coat on are a breeze. He has finally come aware that often what he wants has a prequel. This has reduced my daily stress by about 75%!

Going to sleep in the car: Uly is learning to recognize when he's ready to sleep. Prior to this latest, groudbreaking discover of getting him to sleep in the car (it simply didn't work for us before) he was very much the evening tyrant. So this new thing--asking daddy to take him for his nighty-night drive--is the most welcome change in behavior to date, I think.

*sigh*

I love being a mommy

Helping with Laundry

Uly can fold!

A few days ago Uly and I sat on the floor together and worked on sorting shapes. He especially likes circles, which I will elaborate on later. You would have to have met him to appreciate completely the dear expression on his face when he's concentrating this hard. His lips halfway form the letter "O" and pooch out a bit, and his brows are furrowed so close and down you'd think he had only one. It's SO cute. I'll try and get a picture someday--if I'm lucky enough to get the camera on without distracting him.

Anyhow, so we're sorting shapes, and he's thinking really hard. He approaches each one the same way; pick it up, turn it around in his hands and examine with intense concentration, and then start by trying to stick it in the circle hole. If that doesn't work, look at mommy to get encouragement, then try the square hole or the triangle hole. If those don't work (because he didn't turn it in his hand enough) look at mommy, sigh, and then take the lid off the container and stick the piece in it that way. Sooo much easier...

Now, back to circles. Uly loves to color. He especially loves to do this in front of the computer while listening to his favorite songs which currently are: Don't Know why--Nora Jones sings to Elmo on Sesame Street, ABCD's with India on Sesame Street, and the reigning favorite (I kid you not), Rhue Sanft Mein Holdes Leiben sang by Natalie Dessay (from the opera Zaide). We listen to these songs over and over and over and over and over again while coloring circles on paper. He LOVES this. Sometimes he wants me to make circles all over the place and he points to where he wants me to draw them. Sometimes that means making circles inside other circles. He has me do this until I cannot draw them any smaller. I wonder why he likes this so much but I'm sure I'll never find out.


Letters and Numbers

Uly doesn't talk much, but he understands a lot more than I often give him credit for. Sometimes I swear he's "playing dumb", which all smart people do in order to get out of having to do stuff, or avoid getting into trouble for not having done it. But one thing is certain--he likes to show off what he knows when it comes to the alphabet and numbers. We have an Obama sign in the front of our house and if you ask him where the letters "B", "M" and "A" are he will point to them for you. He is still puzzled by "O", I think because he doesn't understand how it can be both a circle and a letter--but again, I'll probably never know. He can do a few numbers this way, too.

Boy do I love this kid. Now if only he would stop cutting teeth and let me get some sleep at night... haha

Will be updating with a bunch of pictures soon... Mamma been lazy and/or too tired to talk about all the neat goings-on in Little Uly's life.

:D

Uly with the other critters at the zoo!

photos from Granny Lou's Visit