Monday, November 17, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Letting him be
I know I haven't talked too much about my personal parenting philosophies on this blog, which is sort-of surprising since most of you who know me (even a little) are aware of my, um, enthusiastic nature with regards to opinions. But every once in awhile, when you think you actually got something right--and I mean really right--you just have to say so.
The philosophy I'm referring too: letting your kids be
This sounds pretty simple but it's not. We live in a cultural environment that is significantly slanted towards adult-centered comfort. If you've ever been in any kind of public transportation with a crying baby or toddler then you know precisely what I'm talking about. If the first thing that enters your mind is "I hope someone makes that kid shut up" then I hope you're still in adolescence because that is the last stage of a persons life where I believe it's still acceptable to be concerned so in depth with matters of the self. If you think "That poor kid. I hope someone finds a way to comfort him." and even additionally: "...but I sure wish that kid would shut up." Then congratulations, you're all grown up!
So many times I see parents and talk to mothers who become very agitated with their children because they're trying to placate a roomful of annoyed adults. I am always deeply disturbed by this. My philosophy? Worry about the kid--the adults should be able to [act like they] can handle a little ripple in their daily serenity. Now I'm not saying that it's fun to be in a restaurant with screaming babies/toddlers/children. My point is that if the parent was focused on the kids' need, then it's very likely they would not be in the restaurant in the first place.
Yes, I live in a fairy tell land. Yes, it's working quite well for me, thank you. But it sure was one hell of an adjustment, and it took about a year and a half of daily practice to really feel at ease in my theory.
It might not seem like it but I really am getting somewhere with this. I want to tell the world that it's OK to advocate for your children, because adults will usually advocate for themselves if given the chance.
I also want to speak out against punishment for young children. There is no magic number of what age it is best to start introducing consequences for misdeeds--babies and kids develop emotionally and physically at enormously different rates. It is so hard to judge the reasons that a person commits any act--especially if they're still not talking. I often think about how many times I've been wrong about why a friend/mate/sibling/co-worker committed a particularly annoying or hurtful violation of my feelings, and how much better the situation was after a nice emotionally-contained discussion about it. Kids deserve our better selves, and with Uly I do my very best to avoid sentencing him to punishment if I do not absolutely understand his motives for the infraction, which is almost never. And Uly is SUCH good kid. Or, maybe I just don't have any problem with most of the stuff he does because I believe that if it's unlikely to result in death and/or maiming (or replacement at considerable expense), then no harm, no foul. Messes can be cleaned up.
Had enough of that yet? OK already!
Updates this week: Uly is helping with EVERYTHING.
I can now put on make-up and I'm SO GLAD! Uly hands me each item to be applied, every morning. I'll take some pictures of this soon because he doesn't always hand me colors that I would normally choose for myself...
He likes to help take out the garbage (boy do I hope this one lasts haha)
Dinner by Uly! This week uly has helped me by adding food to, and pushing the "on" button on my food processor, and then by helping spoon foods into baking dishes. I'm having a lot of fun with this. I think he needs his own little chef hat and apron.
Follwing directions: "go get mommy" and "hand mommy" and "help mommy" are gleefully accepted orders. Again, I hope this one lasts for awhile too... heh
Cooperation: Diaper changing has never been easier. Putting his shoes and coat on are a breeze. He has finally come aware that often what he wants has a prequel. This has reduced my daily stress by about 75%!
Going to sleep in the car: Uly is learning to recognize when he's ready to sleep. Prior to this latest, groudbreaking discover of getting him to sleep in the car (it simply didn't work for us before) he was very much the evening tyrant. So this new thing--asking daddy to take him for his nighty-night drive--is the most welcome change in behavior to date, I think.
*sigh*
I love being a mommy
The philosophy I'm referring too: letting your kids be
This sounds pretty simple but it's not. We live in a cultural environment that is significantly slanted towards adult-centered comfort. If you've ever been in any kind of public transportation with a crying baby or toddler then you know precisely what I'm talking about. If the first thing that enters your mind is "I hope someone makes that kid shut up" then I hope you're still in adolescence because that is the last stage of a persons life where I believe it's still acceptable to be concerned so in depth with matters of the self. If you think "That poor kid. I hope someone finds a way to comfort him." and even additionally: "...but I sure wish that kid would shut up." Then congratulations, you're all grown up!
So many times I see parents and talk to mothers who become very agitated with their children because they're trying to placate a roomful of annoyed adults. I am always deeply disturbed by this. My philosophy? Worry about the kid--the adults should be able to [act like they] can handle a little ripple in their daily serenity. Now I'm not saying that it's fun to be in a restaurant with screaming babies/toddlers/children. My point is that if the parent was focused on the kids' need, then it's very likely they would not be in the restaurant in the first place.
Yes, I live in a fairy tell land. Yes, it's working quite well for me, thank you. But it sure was one hell of an adjustment, and it took about a year and a half of daily practice to really feel at ease in my theory.
It might not seem like it but I really am getting somewhere with this. I want to tell the world that it's OK to advocate for your children, because adults will usually advocate for themselves if given the chance.
I also want to speak out against punishment for young children. There is no magic number of what age it is best to start introducing consequences for misdeeds--babies and kids develop emotionally and physically at enormously different rates. It is so hard to judge the reasons that a person commits any act--especially if they're still not talking. I often think about how many times I've been wrong about why a friend/mate/sibling/co-worker committed a particularly annoying or hurtful violation of my feelings, and how much better the situation was after a nice emotionally-contained discussion about it. Kids deserve our better selves, and with Uly I do my very best to avoid sentencing him to punishment if I do not absolutely understand his motives for the infraction, which is almost never. And Uly is SUCH good kid. Or, maybe I just don't have any problem with most of the stuff he does because I believe that if it's unlikely to result in death and/or maiming (or replacement at considerable expense), then no harm, no foul. Messes can be cleaned up.
Had enough of that yet? OK already!
Updates this week: Uly is helping with EVERYTHING.
I can now put on make-up and I'm SO GLAD! Uly hands me each item to be applied, every morning. I'll take some pictures of this soon because he doesn't always hand me colors that I would normally choose for myself...
He likes to help take out the garbage (boy do I hope this one lasts haha)
Dinner by Uly! This week uly has helped me by adding food to, and pushing the "on" button on my food processor, and then by helping spoon foods into baking dishes. I'm having a lot of fun with this. I think he needs his own little chef hat and apron.
Follwing directions: "go get mommy" and "hand mommy" and "help mommy" are gleefully accepted orders. Again, I hope this one lasts for awhile too... heh
Cooperation: Diaper changing has never been easier. Putting his shoes and coat on are a breeze. He has finally come aware that often what he wants has a prequel. This has reduced my daily stress by about 75%!
Going to sleep in the car: Uly is learning to recognize when he's ready to sleep. Prior to this latest, groudbreaking discover of getting him to sleep in the car (it simply didn't work for us before) he was very much the evening tyrant. So this new thing--asking daddy to take him for his nighty-night drive--is the most welcome change in behavior to date, I think.
*sigh*
I love being a mommy
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